Effects of comparisons in children

   Comparing a child's abilities with another child is one of the rudest mistakes by parents/adults in our society.
   However, it is indeed very difficult for the adults not to compare kids in these days. It needs a lot of conscious practice from the adults to change their comparing mindset. And it is worth it.
   Even a slightest act of comparison is a very big deal in the world of children. For example, comparing a child's day-to-day activities like his eating habits, sleep, play, etc, may seem to ordinary incidents for an adult. But it is not the same for a child. In a child's mind, all levels of comparisons are processed alike and have huge impacts irrespective of the importance given by an adult.
   There is nothing like "important" and "not-so-important" things or emotions in a child's viewpoint. His mind treats everything alike. Hence there is no difference whether the comparison is about his studies or the toys he plays with or the food he eats or his friends.
   As a mother of twin toddlers, I too find it very difficult not to compare one with the other. I am being very cautious in handling situations where comparisons arise in my mind. Both of my kids are two different individuals who are unique in their ways. However, there has been incidents where I unintentionally compare them and the effects make me guilty for my act. I have made it a resolution not to compare children even in my mind. Each child is unique and their world is way different from adults'. I believe if a child is independent to grow in his true nature, he/she will be ready to become a responsible and compassionate adult. All that is needed from the adult is to set the right environment and provide just the required assistance for the child.
   

Development of Language in kids

Every parent wants his/her child to develop skills in language and communicate with ease. However it is not really necessary to teach the child to speak a language during his infancy as he has the uncanny capacity to absorb languages. It is indeed a natural process that a child learns to speak the language that is primarily spoken around his close circle/his home.

There was a time when there were more people in the house and very less or no gadgets. The child in the house had lots of experiences with different sounds from different people around him. But these days, what he child misses is the direct connection with people which directly affects his development in the field of language.

Natural and effective development in language can happen in a child only with human connections and not with gadgets or technologies. 

Nowadays most parents neglects/miss  the joy of conversation with their kids. Chatting with kids and singing to them is actually a win-win strategy where the parent get immense relaxation/happiness and at the same time the child gets the needed attention/energy for him to utilize his potential towards his development. Reading is another important activity that a parent needs to do to the child where the child's thinking and imagining capacity is strengthened. This way, the child's receptive skills, thinking capacity, imagination enhances which eventually leads to linguistic development.

A child deprived of sufficient communication at home definitely needs additional help in the field of language. This situation in turn affects his overall imagination, thinking capacity and problem solving skills in the long run.

Ample conversation with the child and reading stories to the child are the two important help that should be given to the child to work on his development towards good communication and command over a language. Moreover the child gets confidence in learning a new language later on. It is the parent's / the adult's responsibility to set the right environment for the child to grow in all aspects towards conquering great heights in the field of language. 

Emotions in Early Years

The most important need of a child is the need of independence. This holds good for his/her emotions as well. most often parents / adults try to suppress the child's emotions instead of understanding them. in many occasions we tend to provide solutions to by-pass their feelings rather than drive towards solving their problems.

When a child says he/she is scared of something or couldn't do a task, we see this as a very small issue and can handle just like that. But it is a big deal for the kid. I have seen many parents who think they follow gentle parenting, say to the kid, "You are a brave kid and so you should not cry / get scared". This is a wrong guidance which would lead to suppression of emotions. This is nothing but emotional force towards the child. Though the adult here do not literally shout at the child, he/she forces the child to hide the natural emotion. If a child hides the natural flow of emotions, it may come out as a faulty / negative behavior like violence, guilt, anger or restlessness which directly affects the child's development.

As parents or as a responsible adults, one should first learn to listen to what a child says or expresses. The child should get the confidence that his/her feelings when expressed, will be taken care by the parents. Else, the child may not be able to learn how to handle, regulate and use his feelings in a right way. This situation affects him throughout his life.

Parents have the greatest responsibility of aiding a child through the course of his development and help the child to help himself. Let the child bring out his/her natural emotions. Listen to the child. Understand his/her difficulties or fear or any other negative emotions. Simplify the difficulty. Suggest ways to get to the solution. Help the child to route his negative emotions gradually towards positive emotions. This way parents can make the child naturally satisfied and most importantly win the child's faith.

For example, if  a child is unable write as expected by the teacher, he/she may not tell you/ the parent directly. Instead he/she might show aversion towards the very thought of it. Crying, anger, silence, unwillingness to go to school and a lot of other expressions might happen in the child. Have patience to bring out the actual feeling from the child. Listen to her/him and understand that this is a real big deal for the kid. Try to simplify. Offer more play time with motor activities, more breaks (no bribes for sure), more stories (no morals at the end of the story please). Let the child take her own time. And it works,

For any emotion from a child, the parents' first responsibility is not to suppress the child's feeling. Instead the parents/adults should understand as well as help the child to understand his emotions and handle in a right way.

My Way

I'm here....in a journey called life
A world full of strife....
My pathway was strewn with stone
It seemed so cold to walk alone....
Looking back, I was hoping someone to say
I'm here to guide through your way....
Until I made friends with the cold and stone
No longer I'm alone.....

Good N Bad

Is there anything called GOOD and BAD? What / who is deciding the criteria for good and bad? As far as I know, whatever is tagged as good happens to be accepted by the society. And whatever in not accepted by the majority in a socieety were tagged as bad. Since my childhood I have been told my life will be good if I'm good and bad if I'm bad. Though I somehow used to this belief, it keeps me wondering what are these GOOD and BAD whenever I hear anything inhumane.

I Me Myself

Thou art A woman of Strength, defy life's obstacles. 
           A woman of Confidence, believe in yourselves.
Woman, thou art strong, Stand it all;
           Stand proud to say it aloud... I am THE WOMAN.

They say I am Strong; For some, I am weak;
They say I am lovely; For some, I am not;
They think I am not like any woman they ever knew.
But all I am is a woman I can be; The one I want to be;
Not the one I should be or THEY want me to be;
All I am is MY woman.

Stand

Perspective towards life change with time.When I think about perspectives, I feel really strange. My opinion towards things have changed upside down as years go by. Is it only for me or it happens everywhere? My stand on various aspects of life has been changed and on thinking back, I'm surprised to witness my own change. Whatever happens to us or by us have a greatest part for SITUATIONS. Unpredictable/unexpected situations may change the entire mindset of people about life who were the victims of such situations. I feel I was a different person before around two years now and yet to find out which of these both is the real me.

Mother of all, irrespective of who we are.

She gave us life, in spite of our selfish strife.

Her beauty is boundless, we ruin them thoughtless.

With unmatched patience and tolerance, no longer she can stand our ignorance.

We fill her with smoke and waste, only to ask death to make haste.

It is time to act, to make an impact.

Let her be herself, let us not kill ourselves.

Care for our mother earth’s beauty, is our first duty.

Bringing back the enchanting nature, is the only way to evergreen future.

Festival season

It was really like festival at (ma frd's) home........a new experience, sometimes exciting, sometimes bugging. But interesting too... it was my friends wedding. Preparations are going on in a fast pace. Funniest part is that she is trying to fit into the picture. Spent the most busy 2 days at her place....

Exciting!!!!!!

Things were good though.. itz been long since I visited this place.

And the first blog for this month...happens to be something special.
Yes. I met a friend today after a...well 20 yrs. Is'nt that special?
Maymol...a school friend of mine with whom I spent just one year,
that too in my second std. She left a lasting impact that we both
remember each other so well even after so many yrs.

Itz really a good feeling to have a long lost frd nearby....chatting..,getting
to know each other's updates....

Well..I'm making plans to spend this weekend with her....tht will leave
lifetime memories and make her feel it is worth the travel she made to
reach my place.

Remembrance

In my third class, nearly 18 years ago I happened to meet a girl - Abirami. She entered into 3rd ‘A’ classroom in St.Antonys matric school in Karur and I was told that she is a new comer to my class. I saw her with a band aid on her forehead and when asked about that, she casually said that she hit her head somewhere (I don’t remember where) and needed some stitches done. Then we started to know about each other. She was naughty, smart, intelligent, humorous, and friendly and gets angry very easily. I couldn’t remember what made us friends. She became my best friend. It is strange that we had many similarities - same hairstyle, height and our birthday too falls on same month and sometimes same marks in exams – many such strange things. I had some of the best time of my life with my friend. We do fight often. But we were great friends.
Till my seventh class, we were enjoying our school life together. After the annual holidays I didn’t meet her in school. During my eight class she had to switch to some other school in Trichy due to some family situations. Those days we didn’t have any contact numbers and there were no means of communications possible as she was not aware/not sure that her family would move to Trichy that year. We both had many good friends in school. But I missed her so much. Once during my tenth class I got her number from one of my friends. That number was not working.
After 4 yrs, when I was doing my 2nd year in college I got her number from a school friend. This time I spoke to her. Since it was after 7-8 years, both of were in search of words. I came to know that she was doing her BBA and planning to do MBA. So at last I found her. After 2-3 such calls I couldn’t reach her with that number. By that time I should have known her email id at least. But I didn’t. I don’t know why we both didn’t bother to know some alternate contact details. Strange. But I’m sure that I will meet her someday.

Thai Pongal

Pongal.... one of the greatest Tamil-festivals.To me, pongal means a lot. Each year I used to wait eagerly for this festival.It reminds me of.... my childhood days when kids of my age group had so much to enjoy.There were a number of competitions for kids starting from running race to dancing contests. Kids in and around my home-village will be present the whole day with so much of enthusiasm. Me and my group of friends compete with each other to bag maximum number of prices but none of us bothered much about our failures. the days when the streets of my village were filled with colourful designs - kolams.My mom, myself and my sister would start to choose the kolams to be done well before the festival starts. On the day of Pongal, by 5 am my house would be surrounded with a lots of such designs. the most awaited part is maatu pongal - celebrating with our cattle. this year too I'm waiting with the same enthusiasm hoping to meet friends and family and have a good time, - those kids' competitions and those numerous kolams will be missing though.

Of writing & of typing

After a long thought I have created a space to blog. What next? Have something to fill....?Actually I couldn't think of anything to start with though I really wanted to...Ahem..!! I guess there are lots of differences between writing & typing. I used to do a lot of hand-writing and I enjoy writing something rather typing the same stuff. May be this feel is just because I dont get the shapes of those hand-written text in this typing. I'm not sure. Or it might be because I'm a novice to this blogging thing....-as simple as that.

Let me see how things turn up and there are chances of getting grt in blogging or the other way round...ie., getting too lazy to just open this page the second time.